It’s probably safe to claim there hasn’t been a single person in the history of time who wouldn’t have had feedback at all. We all have relatives. We get feedback at some point in life, whether we want it or not. It’s a necessary feature of human life.
We can either be powerless targets of unsolicited feedback or take matters into our own hands. We can learn to control what we receive by proactively asking for relevant feedback. We can also learn to become better and better at dealing with feedback. This means taking in the relevant parts and turning them into growth, as well as gracefully turning down the rest.
For some, getting feedback is a scheduled, regular thing. You can prepare for it and even get quite good at it through practice. For others, receiving feedback is a random, irregular event that hits like a ten-ton truck every time. Wherever you are, it’s okay.
Sometimes we feel like a ten-ton truck drove over us because the feedback is really inappropriate, hurtful, or aggressive. If we’re seasoned and trained in dealing with feedback, we might be able to turn even the worst feedback into personal growth. However, we don’t have to. If the feedback is inappropriate, hurtful, or aggressive, we can leave the situation and decline to participate in it.
Sometimes we feel like a ten-ton truck drove over us because hearing criticism hurts us badly — even if the feedback itself is delivered very carefully and respectfully. We might get defensive and want to for example leave the situation, decline participation, deny, reject or downplay the whole feedback or even act out or attack the person.
It’s essential to learn to differentiate the two. Protecting yourself against harmful feedback is important. Refusing to take in criticism because it feels horrible is dangerous for your self-development, your career, and your team. Learning to stay aware of the situation and your reactions makes it possible to analyze what’s happening. It gives you power and control.
We can control the feedback we give and how we receive feedback ourselves. We can’t control the feedback we receive. We can affect it, but we can’t control it. Therefore it’s important to focus our energy on becoming good feedback givers and receivers. By showing an example, we change the feedback culture around us.